Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Unconscious and Bleeding: Read 10:27 AM

I am addicted to adore my iPhone.  I wake up to the sound of its soft chime.  As I sip my morning coffee it delivers me a daily agenda and throughout my day it gently reminds me where I need to be in the next hour or the next five minutes.  It keeps me in touch with all of my friends as I run from work, to class, to home or to a gig.  I know immediately when I receive an email and if it is time sensitive I can find a quiet corner to type a response.  I have apps that help me make grocery lists, track my monthly cycle, identify songs, play games or share pictures of my cats with everyone I know.  

When I am in class or having dinner with a friend I switch the phone to airplane mode because if I hear it buzz or ring I will compulsively reach for it to find out if it is something I need to tend to.  I can't use do not disturb function because I know that with a tap of the button it will display all of the messages, emails, and phone calls that I've missed (it's just too tempting).  At the end of my day I read my blogroll or watch Netflix and Hulu shows while snugged down in my bed.  Before I fall asleep I tuck it away on special shelf next to my bed where I can reach for it first thing the next morning.

Each time there is an upgrade to the operating system I squeal with glee as I discover new features and tools.   Each time I have been very pleased with the result (okay maybe not with the maps)...until now. There is one feature on the iPhone that has caused me endless misery and anxiety.

I don't want to know when someone has read my text message.  Yes, tell me it has been successfully delivered but don't let me know that their eyes have been upon it because when I see that little notification, "Read 10:27 AM," below my sent message the clock starts to tick...

...five minutes...

...a half hour...

...an hour...

...two hours pass without response...

You didn't respond because you were about to get into the shower and Oh god!  You slipped on the soap and you are now unconscious and bleeding in the bath tub and your roommate is on vacation!

You didn't answer because you were driving but you were in a horrible car accident and you are now unconscious and bleeding in a ditch on a unmarked dirt road frequented only by prom night lovers and it's December!

You didn't answer because you'd just left for a peaceful walk in the woods (to that secret place you refuse to tell any one about) where a tree fell on you and you are now unconscious and bleeding while slowly being crushed to death beneath the weight of a giant tree!

See my brain doesn't give me simple explanations like: you forgot to charge your phone and it shut down before you could respond, or you were just sitting down and eating dinner and it slipped your mind, or you are writing that final paper and you're on a roll, or you are about to do your daily meditation, or maybe you just don't like me (okay forget that one, it can't possibly be that one). No my anxiety prone brain jumps from "hmmm...wonder why she didn't text back yet?" straight to unconscious and bleeding!!!!


And even if there was a way to shut it off I'd always be turning it back on to see if the message had been read or not and then I'm right back where I started.

Now of course I realize that this means I probably need to do one of those technology detoxes that seem to be the rage lately. And the more rational part of my brain realizes that not once has any of these imagined scenarios actually occurred (knock on wood).  I should just take a deep breath and let it go, whomever I texted will get back to me when they are ready to do so and all will be well.

Or maybe on the next update Apple could just take this feature away?  Pretty please?

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