Monday, July 3, 2017

Wait...it's been how long???

Five months (almost).  This has to be the longest pause in blogging that I've taken since starting Spinster Jane six years ago. It wasn't an intentional break.  There was no, "Time to focus on other things for a bit.  See you in six months!"

I've logged in several times.  I've even started a few posts, but nothing came together enough to be completed and published. I would stare at the screen, hands hovering above the keyboard, hoping something would come.  I even made a few posts to the SJ Facebook page promising some sort of post...soon....soon...soon.

Soon...five months soon.

My greatest creative nemesis has always been my own head.  Most often it gets in the way by questioning the validity of my talent or slipping in a bit of self doubt (who are YOU to call yourself an artist???)  There are also those long stretches of ruminative, navel gazing; wrapping myself up in my own shadows.  And crazy making obsessive thoughts that simmer beneath the surface of my thoughts, just waiting for the right cue to take over my mental stage where they derail my creative efforts for days.

This was deeper though.  There were events this past winter that brought me face to face with one of my deepest fears - that of abandonment.  It shook me, leaving my emotional foundation cracked.  I turned inward...and stayed there.

Months have passed, work has been done.  I'm turning outward more; it's time to look to come back to life...