Dancing Even When I Don't Know the Steps

This afternoon I made the decision to meet up with friends for dinner and then attend a show of Bulgarian music featuring a local band, Cinder Conk, and Kabile, a band from Bulgaria. I rarely will turn down the chance to share food with friends and new music is always a delight.

After delightful dinner with old friends and some newly met folks we headed for the concert venue and managed to get in with a few minutes to spare before the show started.  Cinder Conk opened the show and played a short but fun set with a few songs that I actually knew.  During a short break the floor was cleared of chairs and Kabile gathered together in the middle of the floor to play. 

When the music began I couldn't hold back from tapping my foot in time to the rhythm and when a line of dancers formed around the band I soon found myself getting up and joining. in.  The folk dancing involved various steps of footwork that varied greatly in complexity.  Some were simply side-side-side stomp steps and others involved forward, side, back stops with small kicks or foot stomps interspersed.  A few I picked up easily and thanks to several woman from an eastern European folk dance group who were more than happy to share their knowledge of the steps, I even managed some of the moderately complicated ones. Many times I found I was simply shuffling to the rhythm and trying not to bump into the people on either sid of me!  I sat out for the very fast and complicated ones but during these times it was a joy to watch the dancers who really knew what they were doing dance around the room.  They obviously took great pleasure in what they were doing and it showed.  

Tonight had four things that I truly love:

1. Shared food and conversation with people who's company I enjoy immensely. 

2. Live music and even better live music that was new to me. 

3. Dancing.  Lots of dancing.  Though I've not been great about keeping track of my 20 minutes a day I definitely hit that tonight!

4. Meeting new people. 

I'm quite happy and grateful to be surrounded by the community of people who are a part of my life.  I'm glad that I live in the city that I do and that despite our smaller size we have so many great events that happen here.  I love that my life allows me the freedom to be able to participate in events such as these.  

It was a truly good evening.  

From Patio to Picnic Blankets

As I browse my blogroll I notice that, with only one or two exceptions, nearly every blogger I follow appears to be taking the summer off from writing.  Summer is indeed a busy time for many with barbecues, beach days, patio lunches and colorful cocktails with impaled tropical fruit writing may find itself stuck in the back seat. With a heavy performing schedule, my day job, learning a new instrument and booking the troupe I work with for the fall and winter I've had little time to write and I've yet to have a beach day or a barbecue.  However, I have had my share of patio lunches and cocktails.  Actually, after balancing my checkbook this afternoon I've come to realize that I've perhaps been partaking in patio life a bit too much this summer.

It all too easy after a full day of work to take one look at my kitchen, say "I've been indoors far too long," and head out for nearest shady patio for gazpacho and a cocktail; or after an evening of rehearsal who would refuse the invitation of a shared pitcher of sangria and a pizza with my fellow performers who happen to be some of my favorite people in the world to spend time with; or there is always the old summer standby - it's just too damn hot to cook!   Some weeks have shown me eating away from home three or four nights a week and while my belly and soul have been quite happy with this state of affairs, my wallet is feeling the pressure.

So here before all of you I am making a solemn vow to be better about this.  I am an excellent cook and since I have been gifted with an air conditioner this summer I've no excuse about it being too hot to spend time in the kitchen.  Picnics with friends can be just as pleasant as a patio lunch.  I also happen to have a killer sangria recipe.

I can be restore my wallet! I have the the technology to make myself into a more frugal spinster...better than before.  Resourceful, inventive, armed with a corkscrew, ice and a punch bowl!

Where oh where have I been?

"To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.” - Leonard Bernstein

Where oh where has Spinster Jane gone?  Where oh where can she beeeee….???

Actually I’ve not gone anywhere; I’m still here, still living solo with three kitties and far fewer houseplants.  The houseplants all got some sort of fungus and one by one began to die off over the past month.  I did manage to save a few clippings and the pathos in the bathroom, which seems to have escaped the attack, continues to thrive.  I do miss them, but I admit to feeling some relief that their demise was something beyond my control since it is likely they would have died from neglect otherwise.

Spring has brought a whole new kind of busy into my life.  I am midway through the semester and I confess to not having been as attentive a student as I could have been.  If I continue this way I’m likely going to finish the semester with grades somewhere in the range of average.  If I do my usual second half of the semester push, I might end up with solid B’s.   Being as much a creature of habit as anyone, this is likely what will happen.  

I’m still juggling two jobs which, after the semester ends, will become easier to manage but right now it means that I’ve very few moments to call my own and what little time I do have left has been spent on finalizing the summer engagements for the performance troupe I manage.  Coordinating multiple events for a troupe of 17 people is not easy but I’m near to the point of having everything ready.   Of course this means that just as the organizational part settles down, the performing begins! 

I’ve also managed to somehow squeeze in a social life, though even I wonder some days just how I manage to get myself out of bed each morning.  I should be…okay, I AM exhausted, nearly mentally wiped out and pretty close to broke most days, but I can’t say that I’m unhappy. 

Single people have been in the news quite a bit over the past year and one of the common themes has been how full their lives tend to be.  I definitely fall into happily fulfilled category and while I like to imagine I have some sort of Get It All Done superpower, I don’t and so every once in a while something falls through the cracks for a bit, as has been the case with this blog. 

I am finally back.  It’s only been just over two weeks since I last posted but it feels like forever.  I’ve missed writing regularly and I hope that at least a few of you have missed me.  

I'm tired...but grateful

Today has been a very, very long day and so I'm only up for writing a very, very short post.  Under normal circumstances I'd not write at all, BUT I am totally committed to completing this month's NaBloPoMo, so while it might not be long it is at least...well, at least it's a blog post.

Today I spent too much time on my feet, too much time walking in the rain and barely survived a personal caffeine shortage.  However, despite the fact that I'm exhausted, overall it wasn't a bad day.

It began with an unexpected early morning visit from a friend who always manages to brighten even the gloomiest of cold, rainy days.  Later, another friend who discovered that I'd left my wallet at home bought me a coffee at my favorite local coffee shop.  The afternoon was much improved when I was invited to meet up with a different friend for dinner and though I could not join him, I very much appreciated being asked.

I've said before that I am grateful for the wonderful people in my life.  Today, which could have just been one more uneventful, dreary and wet day, was much improved by their existence. So thank you to all of you...I hope I can return the favor and bring a bit of cheer to you when you need it.

Good night!

I've broken up with summer

Jeans, long sleeve shirts, sweaters, mittens, hats, scarves, boots and fleece vests.  I love all of the accessories that go along with the weather becoming cooler in the fall.   I love all of the foods that go along with cold weather too.   Soups, stews, roasted chickens, apple pies, mulled cider and fresh baked bread.   I’m not a big fan of summer or heat and yet many of the things I love about autumn are associated with creating warmth.  I think that is the difference right there; as the weather cools we create our warmth from the inside whereas the heat of summer is pushed upon us.

Summer reminds me of an over anxious and easily offended lover who is unable to get the message that you need time to yourself, that though you might care for them deeply there really can at times be too much of a ‘good thing’.   Sometimes I want to take summer by the shoulders, look it in the eye and say, “Summer honey, I love lounging about all day at the beach with you as much as the next girl, but I can’t go to the beach every day of the week.  I have a life to live and obligations to meet.  I have other people I want to share my time with.  It would be very nice to not have sweat trickling down my back when I’m making the bed, enjoying a novel in the park or chatting over beer with a friend.  Please, can’t we just take a break?  I’ll go to the beach with you next week, I promise.” 

Instead of responding with understanding and patience, summer just gets all uneasy, possessive and afraid you’ll forget who it is, so it sends ten 90 degree days with 94% humidity your way.    Summer wants to make sure you don’t forget it exists.  As you lay there, unable to sleep and barely able to breathe in the heavy air of a summer night, you realize you just have to end this dysfunctional relationship and you go out and buy an air conditioner. 

Autumn on the other hand is a season that is comfortable with itself and thus autumn is able to love you for who you are.  Autumn is willing to give you the space to determine just what it is you need to be comfortable.   My relationship with autumn is more like those good friendships where each person is perfectly capable of generating their own inner warmth and so the love between you is something given and accepted freely, without expectation or possessiveness.   Autumn isn’t offended by your hats and scarves, it is glad that you are able to take responsibility for your own comfort and your ability to do so is what enables you to enjoy the season.

I could write similar types of comparisons for winter and spring as well, but today it is autumn that is on my mind.  It is by far my favorite time of year and just like those old friends whose company we enjoy no matter how long it has been since we saw them last, I welcome the season with open arms each time it comes around.

Home is where the heart is...

I’m behind on blog posts.  I do have a Spinster in the Kitchen installment nearly ready to go, but tonight my mind is on other things.  Tonight my mind is on people. 

We all have friends; at least I hope all of you do.  They are the people we turn to when times are tough.  They are the people we celebrate our milestones with.  They are the people we laugh with, cry with, drink with, and break bread with.   They are in our lives, sharing the passing of time with us, not due to familial obligation, or any sort of legal vow but simply because they want to be here.  This makes them precious.

Our friends are the keepers of our lives. telling us our own stories back to us during those times when we gather to share memories: when we reminisce around the dinner table after a potluck meal, or over cake at some milestone birthday, or just one evening at a bar when the hour grows late and the time passes as quickly as the cups of wine empty.  They give us the opportunity to see how the eyes and heart of another perceives us and enable us to connect to our beauty when we unable to find it on our own.

I count myself lucky to have the friends that I do.  Some I’ve known for years, a few for most of my adult life, and many who are more recent.  Each one brings something unique and good to my life.  I hope that I bring something of equal value to their lives too.  

Among these friends there have been those rare and special few who have added something so wonderful to my life that when they are absent, I find myself missing the feeling of their presence.   It isn’t that being apart from them leaves behind emptiness, but it is instead that when they are here the moments we experience together are made beyond ordinary because we have shared them.   When I see them I have a sense of arriving home and I experience joy.

So later this week I’ll share my post about breakfast pastries for one, but tonight I want to express gratitude for the friends who have brought so much love and joy to my life.  Friends are, after all, an essential ingredient in the recipe for a happy life.

People. They aren't so bad...

Spinsters, we like living our lives in a solo fashion.   We enjoy being the one sitting in the saddle directing our lives.  In fact we enjoy it so much that this is our prime directive, to live it in a way that we can survive and thrive without the assistance of other human beings.  

Okay, well this is only partially true.  Independent is definitely an adjective that, should someone ever ask, would be definitely be applied to me.  It is true that I meet all of my basic survival needs on my own.  While money can be tight at times, I have managed to create a life where I can live by myself and pay all of my bills.  I don’t starve and I have a bit left over to have some fun.  However, despite my solitary and independent tendencies, I do actually like people. 

Yes, it’s true.  I not only like people; I go out of my way to be social and spend time with them. I enjoy the company of other human beings.  So here is my list of ten reasons why I like people (yes, I know…top ten lists are a bit of a blog cop out but…hey, it’s late on a Thursday night, and it is MY blog after all, so there).

Spinster Jane’s Top Ten Things She Likes About Her Fellow Humans (in no particular order of course):

• Sex.  Yes, I’m just getting this one out of the way right now.  Sex is fun. Sex is good and while sex alone is entertaining, really it is a whole heck of a lot more fun with another person.

• Listening.  Now my cats are great listeners.  They will sit in my lap and purr away while I unload a day’s worth of troubles, but really I’m pretty sure that while I’m doing this they are actually wondering when the human can opener is going to stop rambling and make use of her thumbs to feed them.  People on the other hand, actually care. 

• Stories (or Listening Part II).  People are interesting.  I love hearing someone else’s tale.  Everyone has a story of some kind and nearly everyone likes to talk about themselves.   I love hearing all of it and I’ve yet to be bored.

• The spectacle.  We’ve all spent time people watching.  It is a pastime that never grows old.   Bus stops, dance clubs, bars, shopping centers…there is no cover charge for this particular show.

• Food.  This one is a bit Spinster Jane specific.  I love to cook.  I especially love to cook elaborate multi course meals.  These are much more fun to do if there are actually other people around to eat the food (plus you know…they usually offer to do the dishes).

• Back rubs.  You really can’t give one to yourself now can you?  And there is this unwritten, universal, agreement that if you give one, you get one back.   It’s one of those rare win-win situations. 

• Parties.  Yep…keggers are not much fun when you are alone.   First you need help getting the damn thing up the stairs, and…okay seriously, gatherings are fun.   It’s when the spectacle and the story part get to come together.   A well planned party is entertaining for the guests and the hostess. 

• Friends.  I may not want to be paired off forever but I do like having people in my life long term.  I adore my friends.  Those I am close to have seen me at my high and low points, and I’ve seen them at their best and worst too.   They are my cheerleaders and most of them are quite willing to tell me when I am being an unreasonable shit.  My life would be empty without them.

• Gifts.  Now, now I’m not talking about the getting part.  I mean the giving.  There is something really wonderful about finding just the right gift for a friend, even if there is no occasion.  It is a thrill to give or do that special thing you know will totally make someone’s day.  It’s a buzz like no other.

• Pizza delivery.  Do I really need to add to explain this one?

Until Monday…

A going away present...

I have a dear friend who is moving far away to seek her fortune and future.  I thought long and hard about what to give her for a going away gift.  She is so important to me and I only wanted the best, so in the end I decided to give her a bit of what I feel I do best, create with words.  So here it is Toadstool, your very own blog post…I really hope you like it. 

...I’m giving you all fair warning.  What you are about to read is full of sentiment and sap.  It is sweet and there may be some inside jokes you don’t quite get.   It is also heartfelt and sincere, and I know of two people at least who will likely be crying before the last sentence (one of which is shedding a few tears in the process of writing it and she hasn’t even made it to the end of the introduction...and having never developed any sort of regular shopping schedule, she is also out of tissues)... 

A tiny (5ft), primary color loving, perky southern girl and a tall (6ft), sarcastic, goth Yankee chick walk in to a law office.  The tiny one says to the tall one, “Let’s go see a movie about banjos.”  The tall one consents and so began one of the most unexpected, but greatest, friendships of my life.

Were we to have our own trading cards (which would of course be rare and highly collectable), our stats would indicate a low likelihood for friendship. Yet despite our difference in stature, age, taste in clothing and region of origin, we were able to find kinship of spirit that is, I believe, quite rare. 

You are my little sister.  You have come to me for advice, asking me to share the wisdom you believe I have gained from experience.  This expression of your trust and faith in me is one of the greatest compliments I have been given.  I can only hope that whatever words I have offered have been helpful, and that one day you will be able to do the same for when some young friend of yours who finds that her heart is breaking, or her world is changing faster than expected, or her trust in someone is shattered, turns to you for advice.  In the time that I have known you, you have grown so much and I believe that you will have plenty of  wisdom to share one day.

You are my cheerleader.  You stand before my waves of self doubt, with pom-poms held in your clenched fists and shout out a list of what you think are my greatest qualities.  You tell me all of the reasons why whatever small thing (and it usually is a small thing) is bothering me is unimportant and remind me constantly of what I have going for me, and if all else fails, “How can you be afraid of anything?  You are a giant!” 

Should you ever find yourself in a similar moment, I will gladly do the same, but if you are unable to reach me by phone, email, or carrier pigeon remember the following:  You are not dying.  Breathe. You are mighty. You are well equipped to handle whatever life brings.  And by the way, you look pretty today.  If all else fails, break something.

You are the person who didn’t bat an eyelash when I showed up at your car carrying the skull of a dead moose, but simply said, “Oh, I thought it was a cow.”  You are the person who believes that I really can save old ladies and didn’t hesitate to literally shove me into the face of danger.  You are the one who showed up at my door with junk food and cheap red wine when my heart was breaking.  You are my Sunday pub strolling buddy, my world traveling companion, and my partner in hypothetical (but well planned) crime.  You are the best Valentine’s Day date I ever had, my one and only not-a-boyfriend, my favorite spinster in training. 

So as you make your return to the land of North Carolina and graduate school, know that at least one person here in the great north is going to miss you tons.  While I am bidding a friend farewell, I also can’t help but feel like I am witnessing the emergence of a butterfly from her cocoon, fluttering her wings and launching herself into the air, eager to ride every wind and taste every flower (pause for the did-you-really-have-to-go-for-THAT-metaphor eye roll…would you prefer a bat leaving the cave?) aaaaaaaaand  rewind!… I can’t help but feel as though I am witnessing the first flight of a young bat leaving her cave, squeaking into the night, eagerly sampling the legs of every insect that crosses her path.  I can’t wait to see what this next adventure brings in to your life, and how much you will grow over the coming years. 

You are my friend.  I am so grateful for all you have brought into my life, but more than anything I want to thank you for being that.  May your future be full of love,  joy, pizza and red wine, and may you one day have a date with a card carrying member of the RHMWPWNFYFPT* Society…or a trip to the moon.

PS – Never date a townie and I’ll see you in Paris…much love. 

PPS – You have mascara running down your face and yeah, I’m out of tissues.

*Ruggedly Handsome Men with PHD’s Who Never Forget Your Favorite Pizza Topping

Smoke and memory...

Sunday morning I awoke with my hair and skin fragrant with the odor of wood smoke. Snuggling down deeper into the covers, with my eyes closed, I brought a handful of my hair to my nose and inhaled slowly.  The scent of the smoke carried with it the sound of drums, the jingling of hip scarves and the rise and fall of laughter; the feeling of wet grass beneath my dancing feet, cool air at my back and the fire’s heat upon my face; it tasted of red wine, grilled burgers and chocolate wedding cake. 

The previous night I had attended a party at the home of two dear friends who were married this past January and on this summer night in June we were gathered to celebrate the union of these two people who we all love so much (yes, I am falling into the realm of sentimental and corny, but just because I’m a self declared spinster does not mean that I don’t believe in love or that I’m not a romantic at heart…and I might as well admit here and now that I coo over kittens, puppies and babies too, and I cry my eyes out at the end of Casablanca every time I watch it, but let’s move on shall we?).

There are very few times in my life where I have been both caught up in a moment and at the same time aware that what is happening around me is something I will never forget.  I am not exactly sure just when I had the realization that Saturday night was one of those times.  It might have been when the fire was first lit and people began to gather around the flames.  It could have been when the drums began, and the dancers took their sinuous first steps.  It might have been the moment that we all cheered as the couple served each other cake or maybe it was when I had my first glass of wine that evening.  Or perhaps it was the moment late in the night when I caught the drummer’s eye and as we exchanged smiles I realized that I’d no idea how long hands and hips had been in rhythm. 

It could have been any of those moments, and perhaps it was all of them with the evening passing as one extended pause where the fire, laughter, drums and love ruled over time, and I was a happy captive of my own senses.  

No longer coming to the rescue...

I have always been a collector of strays.  Stray animals. stray toys and stray people have made their way into my life over the years.  The animals I have fed, loved and found homes for, the toys get cleaned up and most often repurposed into and art project.  The people, well the people I would try to fix.  I've only had success with the first two.

Of course, the fact that you can't fix someone is something that is obvious to most.  We've all heard the many sayings about how people have to learn to save themselves, they have to want to get 'better'.  Those of us that are people fixers are aware of all of this, we just don't think it applies to us because we are imbued with a special super power that allows us to see just what someone's problem is AND just how to go about fixing it.  What is ironic about this is that when the person we are trying to rescue fails our response is always, "Well if YOU only did what I told you to do you wouldn't have a problem."

As I said, we KNOW that they have to be the one to do it, what we can't understand is why they don't, and so we think then that it must be us, that we must not be saying it loud enough, often enough, or we haven't used the right words.  So we keep trying...like some spinning carnival ride that we know will make us sick to our stomachs, but we get on anyway because we are convinced that THIS time it won't.

Well, I am happy to say that I think I may have finally stepped out of the line for this particular merry go round.  Twice in the past month I've encountered situations with people in my life that in the past would have made me spring into high fix it mode, and I didn't.  It isn't that I didn't feel sympathy for their situation or that I can't be here to listen if they need me to, it's that I had a very conscious realization that other than those two things, there wasn't anything I could do.

It is so hard to watch those we care about suffer, especially when it is due to what we see as their own choices or actions (like addiction or untreated mental illness).  It is so painful to be a witness to a friend's struggle and to know that we can't win the battle for them.

It is never an easy thing to do, but in the end it is not only best thing for the person we so desperately want to save, it is the best thing we can do for ourselves.