Its the last week of classes and next week I have finals. The blog is on a very short hiatus until the semester is done!
Be back soon...
Monday, April 29, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Will you be my next of kin?
Today many single bloggers will be writing about the unequal treatment of single people. Many will be writing about the financial benefits that are showered upon married people as discussed in the Atlantic Monthly's article The High Price of Being Single in America. According to the article the unmarried among us pay between $484,368 and $1,022,096 for a lifetime of being single. And it is true that married people receive financial breaks on a lot of things: taxes, health insurance, car insurance, and of course they share expenses for things like housing and food but there are other privileges conferred upon married people other than financial ones.
A married person has power of attorney for their spouse. Should one member of the couple become incapacitated or otherwise be unable to care for his or herself the spouse automatically has the right to make decisions for them.
If a spouse becomes hospitalized the other spouse has the right to have access to the hospitalized person, they can also make healthcare decisions on their behalf if the other person is not conscious. In addition under the Family and Medical Leave Act a person can take time off from work to care for their ill spouse without the worry of losing their job.
Then there are inheritance rights. When a person dies intestate, without a will, in most states all of their worldly possessions will go to their next of kin which, if you are married, is your spouse. If you are not married it is likely your children or siblings will inherit your estate. If however, you have chosen to not have children and you have no living family members (which is statistically quite possible for many of us even if we are married) it's the state that inherits your estate.
These are just a few examples of the privileges that come from marriage. The only other people in your lives who have these privileges are your blood kin who you had no say in choosing. It is also quite likely, particularly if you are female or an only child, that you may outlive your next of kin, or that some of these decisions might fall into the hands of a distant relative who doesn't know you and is unaware of your preferences and choices.
Right now if you wanted to grant many of the above lists rights to another person it means hiring a lawyer to write up a will, create powers of attorney and other documents granting these to another person. Even then it isn't perfect. You still would not be protected under the FMLA if you took time off to care for that person and we see stories everyday of hospitals removing people from the bedside of dying loved ones simply because they are not married, even if they do have power of attorney.
Marriage automatically makes your spouse your primary next of kin. The only other way we make non-blood related people our next of kin is through adoption in which the child, in most cases, has no say. Wouldn't it be great if you could walk to your local city hall, pick up some paperwork, fill it out, pay a filing fee and take an oath to designate someone as your next of kin....without having the marry that person?
You would still have to choose carefully, it is afterall like you are adding someone to you family though not via romantic involvement, and of course there must be some way to dissolve the contract, just as folks who are married have the out of divorce. It would also be of benefit to those who are not close to their families of origin or whose relatives live far away or those who have outlived their spouses and families. And in the practical sense it saves the time of paperwork and the expense of paperwork in tracking down relatives.
It not only means that those we call family but who we are not related to can be seen as such in the eyes of the law, it also means everyone has the option to take care of those they love regardless of the form that love takes.
A married person has power of attorney for their spouse. Should one member of the couple become incapacitated or otherwise be unable to care for his or herself the spouse automatically has the right to make decisions for them.
If a spouse becomes hospitalized the other spouse has the right to have access to the hospitalized person, they can also make healthcare decisions on their behalf if the other person is not conscious. In addition under the Family and Medical Leave Act a person can take time off from work to care for their ill spouse without the worry of losing their job.
Then there are inheritance rights. When a person dies intestate, without a will, in most states all of their worldly possessions will go to their next of kin which, if you are married, is your spouse. If you are not married it is likely your children or siblings will inherit your estate. If however, you have chosen to not have children and you have no living family members (which is statistically quite possible for many of us even if we are married) it's the state that inherits your estate.
These are just a few examples of the privileges that come from marriage. The only other people in your lives who have these privileges are your blood kin who you had no say in choosing. It is also quite likely, particularly if you are female or an only child, that you may outlive your next of kin, or that some of these decisions might fall into the hands of a distant relative who doesn't know you and is unaware of your preferences and choices.
Right now if you wanted to grant many of the above lists rights to another person it means hiring a lawyer to write up a will, create powers of attorney and other documents granting these to another person. Even then it isn't perfect. You still would not be protected under the FMLA if you took time off to care for that person and we see stories everyday of hospitals removing people from the bedside of dying loved ones simply because they are not married, even if they do have power of attorney.
Marriage automatically makes your spouse your primary next of kin. The only other way we make non-blood related people our next of kin is through adoption in which the child, in most cases, has no say. Wouldn't it be great if you could walk to your local city hall, pick up some paperwork, fill it out, pay a filing fee and take an oath to designate someone as your next of kin....without having the marry that person?
You would still have to choose carefully, it is afterall like you are adding someone to you family though not via romantic involvement, and of course there must be some way to dissolve the contract, just as folks who are married have the out of divorce. It would also be of benefit to those who are not close to their families of origin or whose relatives live far away or those who have outlived their spouses and families. And in the practical sense it saves the time of paperwork and the expense of paperwork in tracking down relatives.
It not only means that those we call family but who we are not related to can be seen as such in the eyes of the law, it also means everyone has the option to take care of those they love regardless of the form that love takes.
Friday, April 5, 2013
10 Things in a Hurricane
I visited the Imagination Prompt Generator again today...
If I had 15 minutes to evacuate my home before it was to be destroyed by a hurricane, what 10 things would I grab (not including people or pets)?
I'm assuming of course that I am going someplace that has food, water and other survival basics; otherwise you can guarantee that coffee, my french press and the contents of my fridge would be on this list.
1.Whatever clothes I can stuff into my suitcase (likely to include all my underwear & socks, a sweater, a few shirts, jeans, my red dress, and my dance skirt).
2. My laptop because it has all of my music and the hurricane must be blogged about.
3. My phone and charger
4. My purse (which contains my journal, identification, medications and a spare toothbrush)
5. My craft bag (and the five projects in it)
6. My cast iron pan
7. Whatever candy I have in the house
8. My vanity case and its contents (which includes a mini-first aid kit)
9. My sewing kit
10. The drum bag (which contains a mazur, a riq, my zills and a tambourine)
I don't think I'd have trouble grabbing all of this in 15 minutes as most of it is already in bags so the only thing that would be packed is my suitcase. I'm not concerned about photos or other mementos. What I'd really like to do is to make sure that I had what I needed to rebuild my life and for me that means my creative supplies. The cast iron pan is far too useful to leave behind and the candy is for immediate comfort and to share; jelly beans in a hurricane can be a necessity.
What would you take with you?
If I had 15 minutes to evacuate my home before it was to be destroyed by a hurricane, what 10 things would I grab (not including people or pets)?
I'm assuming of course that I am going someplace that has food, water and other survival basics; otherwise you can guarantee that coffee, my french press and the contents of my fridge would be on this list.
1.Whatever clothes I can stuff into my suitcase (likely to include all my underwear & socks, a sweater, a few shirts, jeans, my red dress, and my dance skirt).
2. My laptop because it has all of my music and the hurricane must be blogged about.
3. My phone and charger
4. My purse (which contains my journal, identification, medications and a spare toothbrush)
5. My craft bag (and the five projects in it)
6. My cast iron pan
7. Whatever candy I have in the house
8. My vanity case and its contents (which includes a mini-first aid kit)
9. My sewing kit
10. The drum bag (which contains a mazur, a riq, my zills and a tambourine)
I don't think I'd have trouble grabbing all of this in 15 minutes as most of it is already in bags so the only thing that would be packed is my suitcase. I'm not concerned about photos or other mementos. What I'd really like to do is to make sure that I had what I needed to rebuild my life and for me that means my creative supplies. The cast iron pan is far too useful to leave behind and the candy is for immediate comfort and to share; jelly beans in a hurricane can be a necessity.
What would you take with you?
Saturday, March 30, 2013
A little help from my friends and readers...
I have written on many occasions that I have made a return to school to finish my degree (and often complained about the accompanying workload). I am currently taking a sociology class, which I am very much enjoying. The class includes a final paper and presentation on a topic of our choice. It may come as no surprise that I have chosen singlism as my topic.
Singlism is a term coined by Bella DePaulo and can be summed up as "the stigmatizing of adults who are single." For a more indepth discussion of the word please read her post on the Psychology Today website: Singlism: What It Is and Is Not and Why It Should Be in the Dictionary
As part of my project for the class I am conducting a short survey on people's experience with singlism, if any. I am hoping that those of my readers who are currently single can help me out by participating in the survey. It is only a few questions and is anonymous.
I will be sharing the results here on the blog as well as presenting them in class.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
The Blog to Come
It has been two years since I began Spinster Jane. In the beginning the blog was made up of very personal essay type posts dealing with my day to day thoughts on life. As time passed the subject matter became more focused and it became a blog primarily about living single and solitary in a world devoted to being coupled off. Over the past year it has taken a very personal turn again and the subject matter has expanded to include my thoughts on creativity, single living, and finding a way to achieve a balance between work, art and school.
I have made a choice to remain unmarried and though I date, even sometimes exclusively, I also choose not to live with any person I'm romantically involved with so my status as an unmarried woman impacts many aspects of my life. I don't have the income of another person to fall back on should I find myself in tight financial circumstances. I currently have my health insurance through my school but when I finish in a year I don't have the employer subsidized health insurance of a partner to sign up on (well assuming that if I were with someone they would have a full time job with insurance...). I can't take a period of time off work to focus exclusively on school or pursuing art while a partner supports me and my dreams.
Now this isn't a post about whether or not any of the above is right or wrong, it's just to illustrate that it seems that no matter what I do in life my relationship status has some impact upon it. I'm sure the door swings the other way too, like having to always take another person into account when making big life changing decisions.
Anyway, the point of all this verbal meandering it that for the past several weeks I've dealing with the worry that maybe this blog has lost its original focus and maybe I should instead be writing a blog about creativity...
...but after much contemplation I realize I don't have to do that because, well read above.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to stop by and read what I write. Many folks comment on the Facebook page which is appreciated, but it would be awesome if you commented here too.
Much love.
I have made a choice to remain unmarried and though I date, even sometimes exclusively, I also choose not to live with any person I'm romantically involved with so my status as an unmarried woman impacts many aspects of my life. I don't have the income of another person to fall back on should I find myself in tight financial circumstances. I currently have my health insurance through my school but when I finish in a year I don't have the employer subsidized health insurance of a partner to sign up on (well assuming that if I were with someone they would have a full time job with insurance...). I can't take a period of time off work to focus exclusively on school or pursuing art while a partner supports me and my dreams.
Now this isn't a post about whether or not any of the above is right or wrong, it's just to illustrate that it seems that no matter what I do in life my relationship status has some impact upon it. I'm sure the door swings the other way too, like having to always take another person into account when making big life changing decisions.
Anyway, the point of all this verbal meandering it that for the past several weeks I've dealing with the worry that maybe this blog has lost its original focus and maybe I should instead be writing a blog about creativity...
...but after much contemplation I realize I don't have to do that because, well read above.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to stop by and read what I write. Many folks comment on the Facebook page which is appreciated, but it would be awesome if you commented here too.
Much love.
Monday, March 25, 2013
It's 1:16 AM and...
...I wish I was tired enough to sleep.
...I wish that I had more time to dance.
...I wish that little elves would visit while I'm sleeping and finish all of my craft projects.
...I wish that I was vacationing in a yurt with a wood stove and really good coffee.
...I wish I was on vacation anywhere...vacation, with no plans.
...I wish that everyone I love could know just how much I do love them.
...I wish that my computer was not so old and slow.
...I wish that tomorrow I could have a chili dog for lunch.
...I wish that bacon was free and delivered.
...I wish the bunion on my left foot didn't ache all the time.
...I wish that people minded their own business.
...I wish for cheese. Lots and lots of cheese. A whole basket of cheese.
...I wish that someone, somewhere is having a really happy dream.
...I wish that when they wake up they will be smiling because their waking life is even better.
...I wish for a van for my performance troupe to travel in.
...I wish that the person I'm thinking of hugging right now will somehow know a thought hug is being sent their way.
...I wish........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
...I wish that I had more time to dance.
...I wish that little elves would visit while I'm sleeping and finish all of my craft projects.
...I wish that I was vacationing in a yurt with a wood stove and really good coffee.
...I wish I was on vacation anywhere...vacation, with no plans.
...I wish that everyone I love could know just how much I do love them.
...I wish that my computer was not so old and slow.
...I wish that tomorrow I could have a chili dog for lunch.
...I wish that bacon was free and delivered.
...I wish the bunion on my left foot didn't ache all the time.
...I wish that people minded their own business.
...I wish for cheese. Lots and lots of cheese. A whole basket of cheese.
...I wish that someone, somewhere is having a really happy dream.
...I wish that when they wake up they will be smiling because their waking life is even better.
...I wish for a van for my performance troupe to travel in.
...I wish that the person I'm thinking of hugging right now will somehow know a thought hug is being sent their way.
...I wish........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Spring
At first glance I see only snow and ice, but I also see a sky that has been growing steadily brighter since the Winter Solstice in December. For the past couple of weeks I've been hearing an increase in the variety and volume of the morning bird songs in the tree outside my window. I'm sure that somewhere in the soil there are seeds that are starting to quiver, trees are preparing to fatten their buds and creatures great and small are stirring. Inside myself I am feeling antsy; I don't want to sit still. I am waking up from Winter's slumber and I am so ready to come out of hibernation. Even though the air is not yet warm, and there is snow on the ground Spring is happening.
I often find parallels between the cycles and events of the natural world and my own rhythms (we are after all animals). When there has been great change within myself, it rarely happens all at once. It, .like Spring, is often subtle; taking it's time in germinating deep within myself, working its way through my subconscious before finally breaking through to the surface.
There will be a day soon when we look out the window and it will seem like the world has greened overnight. The breeze will be warm and carry the scent of lilacs and broken soil. It will seem as though it happened in an instant, yet the process that brings us that day will have been moving along slowly, incrementally for months.
Spring reminds me to be patient and that like a snowstorm the day before the first day of Spring, there will be unexpected hurdles to overcome, but Spring will eventually arrive and all our planted seeds, the literal and figurative, will push their greening leaves through the soil.
Happy first day of Spring!
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