Thursday, September 17, 2015

38 degrees 39.69 minutes north, 002 degrees 37 minutes east

I'd been out of sorts all day.  I had just hit send on an unhappy email to a friend about my struggles with homesickness, my complaints about the coffee and my frustration with the availability of so few quiet spots on the ship. 

As I made my way up to Deck 7 to read, I was berating myself about how I should be excited and happy, wondering what might possibly be wrong with me that I could be on this ship traveling the Mediterranean, about to set foot in a country I've always wanted to visit and still find a reason to be gloomy.  My eyes caught the light of the sky outside and I decided to step onto the outer deck to see if I might be in time to catch the sunset. 

In that moment it ceased to matter what sort of day I had, what ocean I was on or where the ship was going.  Before me were to two immense expanses of contrasting blue and a brilliant ball of fire hovering just above the horizon; its orange fire reflecting on neither sky nor sea.  As I stood watching it sink beyond the horizon a single dolphin broke the water, one, two, three, four (?) times and disappeared. 

I laughed.  It might have been more of a giggle. 

In what world outside of Hollywood do moments like that happen? 

Mine it seems…

(PS - thank you to all for the comments left on previous posts.  I'm unable to approve them until I have regular internet access again, which should be on Saturday.  Thank you!)


  1. I know that I think of you often and wonder how you're doing, and I do not think anything bad when I read that you are feeling homesick. You feel what you feel. You may want to feel differently, and that's okay, too. Curiously that thought and any accompanying feelings is okay, too. I think about what you're doing and I am in awe. It does not sound strange or surprising that you are a mixed bag of thoughts and feelings. Processing intense and conflicting feelings is not something we learned growing up. I am 46 years old and only now, I am practicing acknowledging what I feel and letting my (sometimes contradictory) feelings just be. It's hard. You're doing great.

    1. Thank you for this. I am indeed experiencing a huge mix of feelings. I'm doing a lot of writing and thinking. I've got three months to sort it all out!