Monday, August 17, 2015

Hoping for a good cry...

Sometimes even the most exciting opportunities can leave me feeling anxious and stressed out. 

I downloaded a countdown app to my phone a couple of months ago to track how much longer I had until I would be boarding the a ship and beginning my Semester at Sea.  At the time it seemed so very far away.  Now that the countdown is no longer in months, but in days, I feel it is coming too soon.

The list of what needs to be done before I go is long.  Sorting my belongings, packing what is going in storage, making preparations to sell the rest, checking off that all paperwork and the like is completed.  There is also of course just the day to day living that I must do as well (Eat?  Bathe? Sleep?  Who has time for that???).

Of course this is made to seem all the more overwhelming by the fact that this morning I'm just so damn tired.  It is the worst part of summer here right now; those overly hot, excessively humid days that leave my skin feeling sticky and my lungs gasping for air.   After a weekend away performing at a festival I was already exhausted and the weather made last night's sleep a restless one that did not leave me feeling fully refreshed.  I feel a bit like an over tired toddler who can't keep her emotions in check. 

Today I will be holed up in my apartment, with the AC blasting as I work my way through my To Do List bit by bit.  I'll be trying to remember to breathe, to take breaks, to hydrate, and if I find myself in one of those oh-my-goodness-how-am-I-ever-going-to-get-this-done-I-just-want-to-break-down-and-cry moments, I won't fight it, I'll just let the stress tears flow.

In fact I'm kind of hoping I have one of those moments. The events of the past few weeks, my preparations for the trip, trying to keep my head above water with work and performing have left me feeling emotionally on edge and I've not had a lot of time to process any of it.  I've just kept tucking it away until I have time to deal with it.  A good cry might actually bring some relief.

How often does one start the day thinking, "I hope I have a good cry today?"

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