Walking Away from Gossip

“How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.” ― Steve Maraboli

This quote arrived in my email inbox today along with several others in a motivational quotes email that I recieve once a week.  Most of the quotes are you typical Oprah-esque seize the day sorts of thing but this one caught my attention.  It wasn't the part about speaking only good of other nor was it the part about encourage others to do so, though both are admirable actions to pursue.  It was the part about walking away.

I can think of many times that I was present when someone else was being talked about; not a first hand account of an experience, but passed on third or fourth hand gossip and because I didn't actively participate I could pat myself on the back and shine up my halo.  What if I had walked away?  What if instead of appearing complicit through my silence I asked that we talk about something else?

It isn't an easy thing to do.  There is a bit of a thrill that goes along with thinking you are the carrier of some juicy bit of someone's private life not to mention the part of us that somehow feels better about ourselves when we hear of someone else's problems or sins.  Most of us are at least mildly insecure and so knowing that someone else might have screwed up worse that us can make us feel better...at least until we find out that its our faults and mistakes that are being gossiped about.

And the fact is that we almost never know the whole story when it comes to other people's lives and passing on half truths eventually leads to quarter truths and finally what is being shared might very well be an outright lie.  A number of years ago I ran into an old high school classmate who was surprised to see me because she'd heard I'd been shot while mountain biking through Mexico.  While I was somewhat flattered to be thought so adventurous I was left wondering how many other people had the mistaken idea that I dead?

What if we just declared a boycott on gossip and refused to participate?  Or what if we offered up something positive about the person instead?  How would your life be different if you walked away?

Dancing Even When I Don't Know the Steps

This afternoon I made the decision to meet up with friends for dinner and then attend a show of Bulgarian music featuring a local band, Cinder Conk, and Kabile, a band from Bulgaria. I rarely will turn down the chance to share food with friends and new music is always a delight.

After delightful dinner with old friends and some newly met folks we headed for the concert venue and managed to get in with a few minutes to spare before the show started.  Cinder Conk opened the show and played a short but fun set with a few songs that I actually knew.  During a short break the floor was cleared of chairs and Kabile gathered together in the middle of the floor to play. 

When the music began I couldn't hold back from tapping my foot in time to the rhythm and when a line of dancers formed around the band I soon found myself getting up and joining. in.  The folk dancing involved various steps of footwork that varied greatly in complexity.  Some were simply side-side-side stomp steps and others involved forward, side, back stops with small kicks or foot stomps interspersed.  A few I picked up easily and thanks to several woman from an eastern European folk dance group who were more than happy to share their knowledge of the steps, I even managed some of the moderately complicated ones. Many times I found I was simply shuffling to the rhythm and trying not to bump into the people on either sid of me!  I sat out for the very fast and complicated ones but during these times it was a joy to watch the dancers who really knew what they were doing dance around the room.  They obviously took great pleasure in what they were doing and it showed.  

Tonight had four things that I truly love:

1. Shared food and conversation with people who's company I enjoy immensely. 

2. Live music and even better live music that was new to me. 

3. Dancing.  Lots of dancing.  Though I've not been great about keeping track of my 20 minutes a day I definitely hit that tonight!

4. Meeting new people. 

I'm quite happy and grateful to be surrounded by the community of people who are a part of my life.  I'm glad that I live in the city that I do and that despite our smaller size we have so many great events that happen here.  I love that my life allows me the freedom to be able to participate in events such as these.  

It was a truly good evening.  

The Perfect Day?

Two scientists, Dr. Christian Knoll of Jacobs University in Germany and Dr. Sebastian Pokutta of the Georgia Institute of Technology, claim to have figured out a woman's perfect day.  According to articles published about the study 909 women were interviewed for the study with an average age of 38.  They were asked what activities filled their days and how much enjoyment did they derive from those activities.  Based on the women's responses the ideal day was created showing how much time the women would dedicate to each activity.

The study, published in the Journal of Economic Psychology, showed that a woman's top priority is intimacy with her partner and the least pleasurable activity is work and getting to work.  Socializing, relaxing, eating and meditation are also high on the list. I would be very interested to see a breakdown by marital and/or parental status.  The study show's 46 minutes allocated to childcare so how would the ideal day of a woman who doesn't have children differ?  I'm am of course very interested in how a single woman's ideal day compares to that of one who is married.  My big question though is:

How do they know this is really an ideal day for any woman?

The study says they asked employed women how they spent their days and then rated the activities, but what would happen if they'd asked what would you like to be spending your time doing?  Take the example of work for instance.  Perhaps the reason that work related so low on the list is that most of the women are not in jobs that they actually enjoy.   How do women who are self-employed rate the level of pleasure they take in their work?  Perhaps those women would be spending a higher amount of time working in their ideal day because they love their jobs.

Most of the time I think my days are spent doing things I enjoy doing.  Things like laundry, dishes and cleaning the cat box aren't high on that list but I don't mind doing them.  My ideal day includes plenty of time to create and learn new things though I definitely don't get to do those things everyday as things stand in my life right now.  Eating, being social and relaxing also high on the list.  Right now I think I'm going to take advantage of my 46 minutes of napping before I spend my 47 minutes of housework sweeping and washing the kitchen floor.

What is your ideal day?

You too can look THIS good...

I often wonder when I see overly edited photos of celebrities if they have any say in how their image is portrayed.  Is it all agents and editors who make the decisions or do the celebrities ever step in and say, "Ummm...that really doesn't look like me at all.  Can you please add the crow's feet and my cute little beer pudge back in?  Thanks."

When you begin to see yourself not as a person but as a brand there has to be a certain amount of detachment from self that happens (it's okay because that person on the cover of Vogue isn't really me, it's my image) and I suppose when your livelihood depends heavily upon the image you project you may not want to intervene no matter how extreme the edits may be.  They might even convince themselves that it's harmless since everyone knows how edited these things are and that they don't portray reality. Right?

Wrong.  Even knowing that these things are edited women and girls still hold these images as the ideal of how they should look.  I remember years ago back in my 20's that when I would do my best to age gracefully; that I wouldn't fight the progression of nature because I would learn to love and accept myself for who I was.  Today I find myself spending far more time in the skin care aisle examining the anti-aging benefits of creams than I care to admit and my motivation for working out tends be equally split between a desire for fitness and a keeping the arm sag at bay.

This video below makes the point with a great deal of humor and illustrates just how extreme some of these edits actually are.

Return of the Bats

The election is over.  Politics are finally not the main point of discussion on the social media sites and while I confess to hiding a few folks from my feed, as far as I know I managed to get through without losing any Facebook friends (no worries, I brought you all back).

I'm generally willing to discuss just about anything in person but I tend to avoid any online discussion of politics most of the time.  It seems far too easy for those involved to forget that they are talking to an actual person and this election season discussions degenerated into name calling with far more frequency than in elections past. 

With the move, the loss of Orange and just having an overly full schedule my life has felt very unsettled lately so perhaps conflict of any kind was just more than I was up for dealing with.  But now as I scroll through my Facebook feed I'm very grateful for the return of cute kitten and bat pictures, "One Word That Describes Me" memes and drunken party photos.  

Goodbye

Early in the morning on Wednesday I said, "Goodbye" to Orange, my 17 year old black peanut of a kitty.  She was always small, never weighing more than about 9 pounds even during her chubby years.  She was an odd little cat who went her own way from the very start but also always quite ready to accept a cuddle and a scratch behind the ears.

She was obsessed with toilets, feet and being perched on the highest point in any room especially if that point was someone's shoulder.  She sang when she played with her toy mice, yowling and howling her death dirges as she raced down the hall with one in her mouth.  She would wait impatiently for me to come to bed when my insomnia took hold and waited just as patiently in the morning for the first flicker of my opening eyes to begin purring and demanding affection.  She was my one kitty who was never sick until a few months ago when she was diagnosed with a lymphoma in her tummy.  In the end she was so weakened she could barely stand but I will always remember her as the fierce, independent little panther that she was.

So long my little sweet pea...I'll miss you.

NaBloPoMo

It seems a bit of a copout to use my first NaBloPoMo post to announce that I am once again participating in this blog everyday for a month event but it is what I am doing.  I know I have yet to successful complete the event but I do believe in second chances, especially when it comes to giving them to myself. 

I don't have any big secret plan for making this time more of a success which I guess might mean that my plan is to not have a plan.  

Onward.