Thursday, January 14, 2016


I blog a lot about my struggles with insecurity and anxiety.  I publicly worry about my ability to get everything on The To Do list completed.  I share my worry over school/work/life stresses.  I do these things often enough that at times I have worried about what sort of image I am projecting. 

Do I come off as too neurotic?  Will my readers stop visiting the page because I seem too negative?  Should I work harder at projecting more of an image of "having it together?"

Okay, wait a minute, I am neurotic.  I live with anxiety and I obsess about seemingly unimportant things.  I struggle with body image issues and my self-esteem has days that its level could be measured as somewhere between "in the toilet" and "flushed."   Yes, I have days where I feel pretty darn good about myself too, but I also have days that are just sort of okay and others where surviving them without bursting into tears is an achievement all on its own.

Yes.  I am human.  And more often than not my anxiety and stress is due to the amount of work I am putting into achieving the goals I've set for myself.  The struggle IS real, so why not own it?

There are plenty of blog posts, Instagram photos and Facebook status updates about how #blessed,  and #lucky everyone is to be #livingthedream.  There seems to be plethora of luck, blessings and perfect lives being scattered about social media these days.  If it isn't #amazing it's not worth posting and gods forbid we have a hashtag that says #iworkedreallyfuckinghardforthis or #Iamreallystressedoutrightnow. 

The internet is full of folks in workout gear with perfect hair and makeup who apparently don't sweat.  We've all seen enough yoga mats surrounded by flowers and soft lit by candle light, selfies with the best sunset EVER in the background, status updates that are counts of how many mantras were said today and just what we are #soooooooograteful for. 

It seems we've all become our own brand, marketing ourselves and our lives to the world.  Just who is it we are selling to?

I don't really make New Year's Resolutions but I do try to set some general goals for myself.  This year I have two, one has to do with learning to let go of control (another blog post for another day) and the other is to be more honest about what I am feeling, both to myself and my community.  That includes social media and my blog.  I want to own my good days and my bad ones.  When good things happen I want to acknowledge what it took to bring those things into my life.  When I am struggling I want to be able to share that too. 

I hope we all have an awesome year but it's okay if that year also includes a bit of #imperfection, #doingthebestIcan and #onestepatatime.


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