Thursday, January 1, 2015

Day 1: Happy and Brave New Year

NaBloPoMo January 2015
Today's blog prompt is:

What are your resolutions for the new year?  Tell us how you picked them.

I really only have one thing I resolve to do this year and that is to be brave.  Like most of people, I have have many fears.  I am sure that my fears are likely pretty normal; fear of failure, embarrassment, loss, not being good enough, not being loved, etc.  If I were to list each of my fears and if I were to pick the one that I struggle with the most, I would pick uncertainty.

I have worked to overcome many of my fears and I do many things in spite of them. Public speaking for example, still puts knots in my stomach but I have learned to stand in front of crowds to speak anyway and  to do it well.  Uncertainty however can still stop me in my tracks.  It was only a few days ago that I wrote about wanting to become comfortable living with uncertainty, but I want to to more than just live with it.  I want to be able, as I do with public speaking, to do things despite the outcome being uncertain. 

I suppose in someways I already do this.  None of us know for sure how any day of our lives will turn out which makes getting out of bed every morning an exercise in facing uncertainty.  In my earlier post on uncertainty I referenced my upcoming Semester at Sea opportunity and changes in the direction of my creative path.  Each of these things excite and terrify me. 

The prospect of seeing the world, meeting new people and exploring new realms of study thrills me, but stepping completely out of my life for three months, the uncertainty of what things will be like when I come back...what I'll be like when I come back, fills me with anxiety.   I know that art is something that evolves.  I am combining music and sound into my performances in ways I've never done before.  I love the creative lift this gives me, but sharing it, wondering if it will be accepted or if I will even be able to bring the ideas to life in the ways I'd like are worrisome.

I want to be strong enough, brave enough, to do both of these and to do whatever other opportunities may come up in the future.  I don't want to give in to the fear and worry about all of the possible unknown outcomes as I have in the past. 

So here it is, all official and in writing for everyone to see:

One this day, January 1, 2015, I resolve that this year I will learn to be brave. 

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