Monday, July 11, 2011

Jane's Got Rhythm

There are times, like last night, when I watch a sunset that I lose the illusion of the sun dropping below the horizon and I become conscious of the fact in reality I am spinning away from the sun at the pace of a few hundred miles per hour.  This realization leaves me with a physical sense of vertigo and an awareness that most of what happens in the universe is far beyond my control.   At the same time, I know that this is simply how existence works and though there is no grand plan the universe still has a rhythm to which it dances. 

(Alright, prepare yourself.  We are about to dive into the land of metaphor and how the grand non-plan of the universe helps me make sense of my own, sometimes crazy life…here we go.)

When I left my apartment yesterday evening I had three things on my mind, the mess and clutter of my living space, my week long battle with writers block and sex.  Okay, really that last one was just to see if you were paying attention.   Though I do think about sex nearly as often as a dude ahem, with some, um, fair amount of frequency (hey, spinsters have needs too you know), what I was really thinking about was how in the past few weeks my life has flipped like a pancake as I’ve moved out of the world of steady, full-time corporate employment to making a commitment to pursuing opportunities that feed my heart (and hopefully keep me supplied with enough ramen to not starve).

Just over a week ago I left a job at which I’d been working for six and a half years, which is the longest run I’ve given any employer to date.  This act in itself isn’t overly remarkable, I’ve left jobs before.   My leaving was long overdue, I’d given plenty of notice and, unlike times past when I’ve felt the time had come to end a run with an employer, I’d actually had other employment lined up.  Though the new job has fewer hours and much lower pay, it is a whole lot more interesting and comes with much greater flexibility. 

In addition my main creative pursuits have begun to take off into directions I’d always hoped (maybe expected?) they would go.  I’m doing my best to continue to nudge them forward, which means dedicating a lot more time to them, which I am absolutely okay with and, thankfully, due to the change in jobs I actually have oodles**  of time to do this. 

All of the above is positive, and while I wonder about things like what lifestyle changes I’m going to have to make to adjust to my reduction in income, how to better manage my time to fit in all that I need to do, and trying to calm the small but very vocal part of me that is totally freaking out about all of this (are you nuts?  Doing this NOW at almost…well, almost old enough to know better?), I also know that all of this is happening because I am finally finding my own rhythm. 

Yep, just as the earth rotates on its axis and flies through space around the sun, I have my own orbit.  I could have chosen to stay in the place I was, to continue to try to corral my creative nature into a small pocket of my life, or I could let it become the center of my personal universe and go willingly along for the ride.  I’m choosing the latter and though it is somewhat frightening, disorienting and definitely gives me a sense of inner vertigo, I know that this is my rhythm and in many ways, I’ve about as much control over it as I do this spinning planet.  

Yep, this is my rhythm so I might as well dance to it. 

** Oodles, pretty sure this is an adjective that the mere use of lowers one’s cool factor by about half a point. 

1 comment:

  1. Oodles is in fact a very cool word. Well, to an oldster like me anyway. Nicely written post!