Tuesday, April 26, 2011

No prunes...

Word is getting around that I have pulled myself from the dating market.  The response to this has been quite varied.  One friend told me of her experiences with six years of being single and told me it was the best thing she ever did for herself. This was really just about the only fully positive response I received.  Another friend looked at me and started crying, and told me she was sad that I was so badly hurt by my last relationship that I was giving up.  A certain family member has heavily hinted that I must just have commitment issues.  Even my therapist thinks that I’m a little bit wonky and expressed some concern that I might end up old and alone. 

Yes, I have stepped back from dating.  This simply means that I am not taking the time to actively seek out a partner.  I’m not listed on any dating website.  I’m not broadcasting my unattached status on facebook.  When I go out on the town to have fun, it is just to do that, have fun and not to cruise the bars looking for a date or a hook-up.   When I dress up for such nights, it’s because I want to look good for me, not for anyone else.  Does this mean I’ve given up on love? 

In short, absolutely not.  What it does mean is that I’m not going to spend my time seeking out second best.  It means that if there is a One and Only out there for me, then I’m much more likely to meet said One by doing the things that I love to do, and by living my life in a way that doesn’t compromise myself.  It also means that this supposed One and Only, should they pop up, needs to make an effort. 

Do I think there is a perfect match for everyone?  I’m not so sure on that one.  I don’t really believe in fate or soul mates, and there is a good chance I could wind up spending my later years by myself, but I do think if I am walking the path that is true to myself, then the things that I want and need will have a much greater chance of coming into my life.  

I do have some lonely nights when I wish that there was someone next to me, holding me in their arms and telling me they love me.  I want to have someone to celebrate achievements and milestones with.  I want comfort when I’m sick or sad.   I want those things but I can also deal with not having them come from just one person.  Right now I have friends to celebrate with and who check on me when I am down or not well.   Heck, I can get the occasional cuddle I want it. 

And before everyone gets all upset thinking that I’m assuming the rest of the world is ‘settling for less’ let me be clear that I am only speaking for myself.  I know many people who are quite happy in their romantic relationships and I know just as many who are not.   I can only know what I want (or really maybe it’s more what I don’t want) and so far, what I’ve been presented with isn’t it. 

So relax my friends.  I’m not intending to dry up and waste away.  I’m not giving up on love or walling in my heart.   I’m simply just choosing not live my life for a maybe-possible someone else.   I'm chosing to live it for me. 

No comments:

Post a Comment