It's nearly 11:00 PM on a Sunday night and I'm so very tired. I had a very full, and mostly enjoyable week, but it has had too many late nights and too few hours of snooze time. The week ahead is the last week of the semester before finals and I'm sure it will take nearly every last bit of my energy to get through it.
So my apologies for the short blog post, but I think I'll be heading to bed very soon.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Day 6: Trust
I am going to get a bit confessional here. I'm going to confess that I have had more than one glass of wine and as such, if I keep writing. I'm likely going to become far more personally confessional than I care to be.
So I'll leave you with the above quote and a somewhat wistful, "good night."
Friday, December 5, 2014
Day 5: Smiling
Today's blog prompt courtesy of...well, crap I closed that tab and I've forgotten what site it was on. Anyway, here is it is.
What made you smile this week?
I was going to do a day by day accounting of at least one thing each day that made me smile but as I sat there staring at the screen I began to be a little overwhelmed because there were actually so many things that made me smile this week. It hasn't been a perfect week, I did spend part of Monday in the ER due to my asthma and I'm feeling the pressure of the end of semester, but there's been a lot to smile about.
...my kitty's ever ridiculous antics when she wants attention or wants to play.
...the friend who gave me a ride to and from the hospital on Monday.
...dancing in my bedroom for no reason at all.
...crafting costuming pieces for my dance students for a show they are performing in on Saturday.
...coffee.
...working on a creative project with one of my favorite collaborators.
...making music with drums, tin cans, buckets and whatever else is nearby that I can tap out a rhythm on.
...a silly joke about the weather that a friend made last night that still has me chuckling.
I know there was probably more than that to make me smile but those are the highlights. What brought a smile to your face this week?
What made you smile this week?
I was going to do a day by day accounting of at least one thing each day that made me smile but as I sat there staring at the screen I began to be a little overwhelmed because there were actually so many things that made me smile this week. It hasn't been a perfect week, I did spend part of Monday in the ER due to my asthma and I'm feeling the pressure of the end of semester, but there's been a lot to smile about.
...my kitty's ever ridiculous antics when she wants attention or wants to play.
...the friend who gave me a ride to and from the hospital on Monday.
...dancing in my bedroom for no reason at all.
...crafting costuming pieces for my dance students for a show they are performing in on Saturday.
...coffee.
...working on a creative project with one of my favorite collaborators.
...making music with drums, tin cans, buckets and whatever else is nearby that I can tap out a rhythm on.
...a silly joke about the weather that a friend made last night that still has me chuckling.
I know there was probably more than that to make me smile but those are the highlights. What brought a smile to your face this week?
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Day 4: Sadness
Today's BlogHer blog prompt:
"Who do you like to be with when you're feeling sad?"
There was a time when feeling sad meant I queued up my sad song playlist on iTunes, dimmed the lights, lit half a dozen candles and curled up in a comfy chair with a glass of wine and a box of tissues for an evening of letting whatever sadness was in my heart come pouring out of my eyes. When I was exhausted and empty I'd make my way to bed, wrapping the covers close and drift off into a deep and generally very restful sleep.
When I was sad I preferred to be alone.
At some point this changed; there came a time when my sadness became something I could not longer just sit with. Letting it out, instead of bringing relief, began to feel more like drowning and so I began to seek distraction from the sadness. Most of the time this took the form of keeping myself busy. I volunteered, worked, created, studied, hung out with friends did whatever I could to keep myself occupied enough to not think. While I may not have faced what I was feeling, I certainly did get a whole lot accomplished.
So, who do I like to be with when I am feeling sad? I am not sure I have found a person with whom I could allow my self to express my sadness in the way I did when I would sit in the dark and listen to music, but this does not mean that the people I seek out when I am feeling low or sad are simply another distraction, something to keep me busy enough to not think about what I am feeling. The people I seek out when I am sad are people who I care for and in whose presence I find comfort enough to take the edge off what I am feeling. Sometimes I just need to feel a little less alone, or I just need to talk and I am grateful for those people in my life who have been there for me.
I miss the days of sitting by myself and letting my feeling wash over me, immersing myself in them, facing them and then letting them go. I long for that time when sitting with my feelings was not so frightening or overwhelming and, well, the truth is I'd really like to be able to once again say that the person who I like to be with when I am sad is myself.
(This post might make it seem like I am sad all of the time, I am not. While the past couple of years of years have been a bit of a struggle I am generally in an okay place most of the time.)
"Who do you like to be with when you're feeling sad?"
There was a time when feeling sad meant I queued up my sad song playlist on iTunes, dimmed the lights, lit half a dozen candles and curled up in a comfy chair with a glass of wine and a box of tissues for an evening of letting whatever sadness was in my heart come pouring out of my eyes. When I was exhausted and empty I'd make my way to bed, wrapping the covers close and drift off into a deep and generally very restful sleep.
When I was sad I preferred to be alone.
At some point this changed; there came a time when my sadness became something I could not longer just sit with. Letting it out, instead of bringing relief, began to feel more like drowning and so I began to seek distraction from the sadness. Most of the time this took the form of keeping myself busy. I volunteered, worked, created, studied, hung out with friends did whatever I could to keep myself occupied enough to not think. While I may not have faced what I was feeling, I certainly did get a whole lot accomplished.
So, who do I like to be with when I am feeling sad? I am not sure I have found a person with whom I could allow my self to express my sadness in the way I did when I would sit in the dark and listen to music, but this does not mean that the people I seek out when I am feeling low or sad are simply another distraction, something to keep me busy enough to not think about what I am feeling. The people I seek out when I am sad are people who I care for and in whose presence I find comfort enough to take the edge off what I am feeling. Sometimes I just need to feel a little less alone, or I just need to talk and I am grateful for those people in my life who have been there for me.
I miss the days of sitting by myself and letting my feeling wash over me, immersing myself in them, facing them and then letting them go. I long for that time when sitting with my feelings was not so frightening or overwhelming and, well, the truth is I'd really like to be able to once again say that the person who I like to be with when I am sad is myself.
(This post might make it seem like I am sad all of the time, I am not. While the past couple of years of years have been a bit of a struggle I am generally in an okay place most of the time.)
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Day 3: Food
Today's BlogHer blog prompt:
What food makes you feel good whenever you eat it?
That folks is an easy, easy question for me to answer. A large pepperoni pizza from Otto's Pizza in Portland, Maine. It is doubly tasty when shared with a good friend along with a bottle of red wine and a long wandering conversation.
That always, always brings a smile to my face.
I'm also partial to certain cheesecakes, garlic rolls from Ben Kay, fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy & bacon, lobster, roasted brussel sprouts, and buffalo wings.
What food makes you feel good whenever you eat it?
That folks is an easy, easy question for me to answer. A large pepperoni pizza from Otto's Pizza in Portland, Maine. It is doubly tasty when shared with a good friend along with a bottle of red wine and a long wandering conversation.
That always, always brings a smile to my face.
I'm also partial to certain cheesecakes, garlic rolls from Ben Kay, fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy & bacon, lobster, roasted brussel sprouts, and buffalo wings.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Day 2: Surprises
Today's NaBloPoMo blog prompt is "talk about a surprise that made you happy." I've had quite a few happy surprises in my life...
...the dress that I dearly wanted (but couldn't afford) that all of my coworkers got together and bought for me on my birthday in 1992.
...the day in early 1996 that I came home from work and found two little fuzzy kittens curled up asleep on my bed (those kittens were in my life for the next 18 years)
...there was my 40th birthday when I had no time to plan a party and a dear friend instead asked all of my other friends to take me out to dinner during the coming month. I ate out nearly every night for over a month.
...the way so many people helped me out last year when I was struggling financially.
...finding out only recently that one of my best friends is moving back to Maine.
But one surprise that really meant a lot to me happened several years ago, when I was really feeling down about life. I don't even really remember what it was that was going wrong but I was really struggling and I felt very alone. One day I logged on to my email and there was this message from someone I only knew peripherally. It said:
"You don't really know me though we are connected on MySpace. I saw that you were going through a hard time and I wanted to let you know that I think you are amazing. I admire everything you do. I think you have so much to offer the world. I hope you are smiling again soon."
I no longer use the address that that email was sent to and I so admit that this is not a direct quote but more of a summation. I don't even now recall who sent me that message but I do know that I will be forever grateful for it.
...the dress that I dearly wanted (but couldn't afford) that all of my coworkers got together and bought for me on my birthday in 1992.
...the day in early 1996 that I came home from work and found two little fuzzy kittens curled up asleep on my bed (those kittens were in my life for the next 18 years)
...there was my 40th birthday when I had no time to plan a party and a dear friend instead asked all of my other friends to take me out to dinner during the coming month. I ate out nearly every night for over a month.
...the way so many people helped me out last year when I was struggling financially.
...finding out only recently that one of my best friends is moving back to Maine.
But one surprise that really meant a lot to me happened several years ago, when I was really feeling down about life. I don't even really remember what it was that was going wrong but I was really struggling and I felt very alone. One day I logged on to my email and there was this message from someone I only knew peripherally. It said:
"You don't really know me though we are connected on MySpace. I saw that you were going through a hard time and I wanted to let you know that I think you are amazing. I admire everything you do. I think you have so much to offer the world. I hope you are smiling again soon."
I no longer use the address that that email was sent to and I so admit that this is not a direct quote but more of a summation. I don't even now recall who sent me that message but I do know that I will be forever grateful for it.
Monday, December 1, 2014
December NaBloPoMo
It is that time of year again. When I make the commitment to blog everyday for one month. December seems to be the only month that I am able to accomplish this feat, likely due to the fact that for much of December I am not in school. This will be my fourth year of taking on the task.
The theme for this month is "joy" (which for those who know me personally is rather amusing for a variety of reasons). Merriam-Webster defines joy as "a feeling of great happiness" or "the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires." I'm going to admit that these are not things I feel on a regular basis. That might be something worth exploring...
Whether I decide to explore the theme or not the commitment to a month of blogging has been made. I had a very difficult time with it last year and I'm not sure that I even managed to complete it, though I do recall getting most of the way. but I still managed to blog for the 31 days of December.
Here is to the 'try, try again' and best of luck to all who are participating in BlogHer's NaBloPoMo this month!
The theme for this month is "joy" (which for those who know me personally is rather amusing for a variety of reasons). Merriam-Webster defines joy as "a feeling of great happiness" or "the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires." I'm going to admit that these are not things I feel on a regular basis. That might be something worth exploring...
Whether I decide to explore the theme or not the commitment to a month of blogging has been made. I had a very difficult time with it last year
Here is to the 'try, try again' and best of luck to all who are participating in BlogHer's NaBloPoMo this month!
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